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With the forthcoming exam season not far in your diaries you need to start worrying. You spend too much time on this and other similar websites. You're going to fail at least one, if not all of your exams. What you want to do, is be remembered for it. In no particular order...
1) Bring a musical instrument of your choice with you. Play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say “It helps my nosebleeds.” Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase “I told you so.”
2) If it’s a science paper, answer in essay form. If it’s an essay paper, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Try and remember some of those formulae that mean even less to you now. And remember to articulate your answers.
3) On the answer booklet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question, e.g. “I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs.” Be creative.
4) Do the exam with crayons, paint or fluorescent markers.
5) Do the entire exam in another language. Preferably Ukrainian, but if you don't know one, make one up!
6) As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
7) Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all the questions and your answers completely blacked out.
8) Use a mobile phone to call for take-away during the exam. Ask around if anybody else wants anything.
9) Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards and at a 45 degree angle.
10) Bring cheat sheets for another subject. Make sure this is obvious, like Physics notes for a Geography exam, otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too. Staple them to the exam, with the comment: “Please use the attached notes for reference as you see fit.”
11) Play Frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
12) During the exam, take everything apart around you. Desks, chairs…anything you can reach.
Now then, there should be at least one for each exam unless you're doing a stupid amount of GCSEs/A-level retakes! And also assuming you haven't been booted out of the establishment indefinitely after the first attempt. Good luck.
