Jokes based around resuscitating the putrefied corpse of Linkin Park’s gazillion-selling debut LP ‘Hybrid Theory’ would be too easy. This is ‘Reanimation’, indeed. And it’s not gonna be pretty kids, so look away now.

Best to get this out of the way first; Linkin Park, by definition, are the most outwardly soulless, studio-polished shit-shower of all nu-metal bands. Any more processed and they’d be Spam. Half of the western world knows this. The remaining 50 per cent own Linkin Park hoodies. There truly are few in betweens here in dealing with the opinion-dividing Marmite of all bands.

Dismounting from high horses for a moment, ‘Reanimation’ is bad. Not in a misguided we-tried-really-hard way. More, millions of pounds later and still nobody involved knows a tune from their pampered poop-chutes. Meanwhile, the sheer arrogance to assume that everyone listening will know the origins of each remix – thanks to updated, oh-so-now (dahling) dick-brained txt msg song titles – is nothing short of gob-smacking.

It’s not all doom and despair though. Well, actually it nearly is. Amongst the manure heap of re-stroked guitars and diced ‘n’ sliced vomit chunks of embarrassingly faux-enraged vocals, there are a brace of finer-cut diamonds to wash down and stare at, bemused.

‘X-Ecutioner Style’ is ace. Mainly because it’s under two minutes long, but also because the omnipresent dry-throated growling is buried under some smooth Puff Daddy-esque rap bravado from Black Thought. In contrast, ‘1Stp Klosr’ calls upon Korn’s Jonathan Davis and the only possible conclusion is a bruising shout-a-thon which dredges a pummelling chorus from the bones of ‘One Step Closer’.

Welcome interludes trickle around in the shape of ‘Opening’ – multiplex strings of blockbuster girth – and cutesy piano break ‘NtrMssion’. That’s the most detail you’re going to get here though – if you truthfully care about the other guest ‘stars’ involved you can buy the fucking record. Heard the saying about a fool and their money?

Basically this album will be offensive to anyone who ever felt affinity with hip-hop, rap or metal, people who’ve actually heard a worthwhile remix and, rather amusingly, a decent proportion of Linkin Park fans. Way to go.