I just pirated a copy of your crashingly unsubtle, dull-as-shit album, and in the absence of any worthwhile message from the howling dog you employ as your lead singer, I thought to myself - wow, The Whip really are quite something.

Everything you represent is the opposite of music, the opposite of art. From your flaccid live set right the way through to your witless lyrics and merciless lack of style.. In terms of anti-inspiration, I think you're probably the most important band of our generation.

So thankyou, and your clunking, ham-fisted, PR abortion of a band. As your seven brain-dead fans dribble on their new Sister Siam USB Wristbands whilst making a thumbs-up sign, I hope there are dozens of bright young talents out there determinted to take whichever route into music diverges with yours the most.

Please stay away from ears forever.
Thankyou.