Here is my tale of woe:

In 1992, I grew my hair floppy, to look like Matt from Ned's Atomic Dustbin. He was the good looking one who wore Therapy? T-shirts, played his bass low and jumped around.

Then sometime between 1994 and 1996, I adjusted it in an attempt to look a bit like Alex James, Justine Frischmann and/or Brett from Suede.

In 1999 I dyed it black.

Ever since, I have apparently:

1. Been trying to look JUST LIKE RICHEY MANIC

2. Been trying to look JUST LIKE BRIAN MOLKO

and, finally, since retarded 15-year-olds coincidentally cottoned on to this most sacred of haircuts,

3. BECOME EMO.

Please help me. I love my hair and I want to die.