Right now, I'm the last person in the building. I'm waiting for a film that I've just made to convert itself into a certain kind of file and it's taking FUCKING AGES.

It has to be handed in tonight, and the building's alarm comes on at 6.30pm.

To add to my plight, it's the end of year ball tonight at 7. This means I have an hour to wait for this thing to finish, go home, shave, dress and get back into Leeds city centre.

Oh Bernard, what I wouldn't do for that watch of yours.