Of course, everyone he talks to is sceptical and eventually one person says; "OK, if you really are the Son of God, why don't you go walk across the Thames?"

Naturally, he obliges and to everyones amazement, he walks on the water. However, by about halfway, it becomes apparent that he's slowly sinking and by the time he reaches the other side, the water comes up to his knees.

One spectator comes up to him and says; "Wow, impressive, but what was with the sinking?"

Jesus replies; "Well, the last time I did this, I didn't have holes in my feet!"

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A penguin takes his car to the mechanic to get it repaired. The mechanic tells the penguin it'll be a couple of hours while he works out what the problem is.

So, the penguin walks home and gets in his freezer for a nap and a generous helping of his favourite vanilla ice cream.

Upon the penguin's return the mechanic turns to him and says; "Ah mate, looks like you've blown a seal"

The penguin quickly replies; "No, no! It's just ice cream!"

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BOOM!