Bear with me here.

If someone asked me to draw a microwave from memory, it would be a spidery-looking sketch of a box with a door and one dial for time. But there’s a second dial for ‘level’ which, and this is my fault, I’ve never noticed before yesterday. I checked on the one at work as well. What the fuck would anyone ever need these for:

Low
Low medium
Medium
High

The entire point of a microwave is that it heats things fast - what kind of pervert thinks ‘I’ll just dial this back to Low-Medium’, and that’s even before factoring in the fact that the only number you’re ever provided with is for when it’s set to full tit. That’s pure guesswork on time which is the enemy of microwaveable food. I can imagine outsiders like Jim Carroll or maybe Hunter S Thompson microwaving their food slower than it needed to be for an unspecified time, but for a normal man - at the risk of sounding hysterical - this would seem to be the type of decadent thing that brought about the downfall of Rome