Proper Japanese style madness. I met my friend Geoff at the pub, prior to going to his house, and the first thing he said was: "Hey, do you need a shit?", which is an unconventional opener not having seen him for six months. Anyway, I said no, and he replied: "Okay, well, if you do, save it up. My parents have just had the bathroom done, and you have to try our new toilet."

We went back to his house with some mates, and over the course of the evening, people disappear one at a time and are gone for about 30 minutes. As everyone comes back, Geoff would look up at them, say, "Well, how was it?" and be met with wide-grins.

Eventually, the time came, and I went to use the said loo. Well, it was incredible. A control panel at the side controlled the seat temperature, to make it nice and toasty. Then once you'd finished, two other buttons activated a water jet controlling both power and temperature. Then you could turn on a fan heater for drying.

It was amazing. I was dubious at first, sure, but I'm convinced. Yes, it was a bit strange, but also weirdly enjoyable.

Just remember what Geoffrey said: "Don't press the pink button. That one's for ladies."