It's the time of year again, when the good people of the high street make your life easier by putting everything in a giant book for you to choose from before you go shopping.

I fucking love Christmas catalogues. It's like the world turns into Argos for two months. Which can only be a good thing.

Best Christmas catalogue: Boots.

When I was dead little I once wiped some dog poo off my shoes with torn out pages of the Boots Christmas catalogue. I then tried to flush the pages down the toilet, and blocked it. Mother was not happy. More at the fact I'd ripped up the Boots catalogue than the fact she had to start rodding the fucking thing down the pan.

Christmas catalogues.