I was staying on a really beautiful farm in west Wales last week. At the end of day one I went for a walk down to the stream in the valley with a can of beer, and came to a gate. There were three big pigs snuffling around in the woods on the other side of the fence. I hesitated before I jumped over, becuase that morning I had been told about Zog, a mental male pig who was half wild boar and prone to smashing down fences and eating live chickens whole.

They looked like sows to me, I thought I could see teets, so I cautiously entered their field. They weren't paying me any attention (I later learned pigs have extremely bad eyesight) so I sat next to the stream and drank my beer while the pigs continued snuffling in the ground.

I was on my way back, not far from the gate, when I crunched my empty beer can. The closest pig to me immediately froze and looked up. Upon seeing me, it started sprinting manically in my direction. I fucking shit myself, and ran as fast as I could to the gate, where I hurled myself over and cut my hand quite badly.

When i told some people on the farm that Zog had tried to kill me, they spent the rest of the night taking the piss out of me. The pig ran because it thought I was going to feed it. But I'm a city person, I how could I have known this?

What other stories about townfolk being foolish down on the farm? It's like the opposite of them standing on the right on tube escalators.