Nobody is going anywhere at Belmarsh. We're on lockdown.
Some of the gents found a copy of Nigella Lawson's cookbook under Peter's matress. It's Delia or GTFO in this place. Messy scenes ensued. Delia's teeth may resemble the crumbling Greek Acropolis, but it's just a sign they've seen some bloody good cakes.

Will probably just sit in and finish my William and Kate cross-stich.

What have you bellends got planned?