I work in Camden. I see a lot of tourists. Every day, I wonder... why are you here? WHY NOT GO SOMEWHERE LOADS BETTER?!

Let's list the things we hate about tourists - together:

1. They're slow. They amble about, in no rush and BLOCK MY COMMUTE HOME.

2. They're always really attractive, young, loved up and happy. Which should in theory be nice, BUT NOT WHEN I'VE HAD A BAD DAY AND WANT TO GET HOME.

3. They have not read the chapter on Tube etiquette in their massive, oversize guide books that explains about standing to the right of the escalator and letting people off of carriages first. Also, please note, your Oyster card will not work if it flashes red NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU TRY IT.

4. When on tubes, they try and hold conversations with their friends and family about 5 seats away. VERY LOUDLY. If I can hear you over my earphones AND the Northern Line, then you ought to fermez la bouche.

5. They take up loads of room. They either have cases, trolleys with wheels (Royter-Hapgood to thread) or even more bizarrely manage to take up whole footpaths by walking slap bang in the centre of them.

6. They buy shit things. REALLY shit things. Like little statues.

7. The French ones usually just moan about how London isn't as good as Paris. I've had at least a couple of random French people on their holidays tell me this.

8. Sometimes South African tourists get confused and end up living here. This is the worst offense of all.