nine girls messaged, and not a single reply from the lot of them. nothing. each and every one of those girls read my message, looked at my profile and thought.....

'I FUNDAMENTALLY DO NOT WANT TO INTERACT WITH THIS MAN, EVEN ON THIS RELATIVELY REMOVED AND PERFUNCTORY OF LEVEL OF INTERNET BASED MESSAGING'

it's ok though ladies, i can take a hint. i know when i'm not wanted.

you can have your clean cut freddy prinze jrs, and men who have clearly defined skills and careers and positive outlooks and all that shit, yeah? and your arty rock or rollers blokes with....fucking....fucking, hair yeah? hair? hair? you girls love all that fucking shit, don't you? a man who can cover up his own forehead sufficiently. pft. that's fucking so mainstream girls. you're so fucking mainstream.

oh what....what...you've read camus have you? and watched a david lynch film? that's good is it? should i be impressed by that? you eat some cooking meals and read music gigs do you?

well i'm not impressed. you're all rubbish girls.

now. i figure this fallow period where girls find me physically, theoretically and economically undesirable is set to continue until one of two things happen...

a) i do a larry david. i become rich and successful and then get to still be a loser but not be a loser because i'm rich and that.

b) descend into a big dark smelly pit where i don't even think about girls anymore because they're so far removed from the life i will lead in which i give little attention to personal hygiene and greater attention to my record and film collections. convention, however, will dictate that as my star dims, stomach swells, beard crawls and pits hum, my taste in music and film will deteriorate to the point at which i only buy steven seagal films, cheap horrors with the promise of a furtive shot of teeny-tit, and medieval blood-bowls with lots of swords and hacking and turgid dialogue in between all the guts and hacking and smoke and mist. in turn, i will only listen to thunderclap newman and king crimson.

it doesn't have to be this way girls, y'know? i don't have to be forced into these two options...

but this is what you forced me into. you've made me do this. i hope you're all happy.