So we can leave Kik and DK to effectively giving each other dead arms in the school playground of yesterday's football thread. Is entertaining though.

Bolton sign Reo-Coker on a free. Decent buy imo, adds more depth and competition which we badly need and by all accounts played ok last night despite hardly having a pre-season. Eagles and Mears also played after being given special dispensation from Burnley, and the formalities should be completed today.

Aguero announces on twitter he is now a City player. They are going to have a pretty scary team.

Javier Hernandez aka Eoin McLove is out for two weeks, to the despair of menopausal middle-aged women and United fans everywhere.

Harry Redknapp, Storic and Mandric appeared in court last Friday but nobody anyway seems to think it worthy of mentioning.

Barca beat Bayern 2-0 in the Allianz, including an absolutely peach from Thiago. He looks mint. ITV's analysis team continue to cream.

Elsewhere Birmingham are fucked, Wales are fucked, Walcott is (probably not) fucked and European football is fucked as Stoke (FUCKING STOKE FUCK OFF I HATE YOU) take on Hadjuk Split in the Roper League tonight. Fulham play HNK Split and Hearts are away at Paks.