you know the one who's a dick, and loves cleaning to prove a point, and shouting at my guests, and swearing really loudly in the middle of the night about fish. Well she's off work ill and in the three hours I've been home she has been vacuuming the upstairs landing. Three hours.

Last night she walked by my room, did a big 'ssssssssssh' when she got near my door, went to the bathroom and went back to bed slamming her door after her. The house was totally silent, there was nothing to sush us for.

I think she's actually got some issues. I'm going to get a Teasmade so I never have to leave my room again.